Random Expressions

Shaking off lethargy, and peeling off a silly internal superstition, I decided to let my hair loose today. Consequently, I found myself at my favorite bar-cum-restaurant at Thamel. The internal demons were silent, and I knew a great evening was spread ahead. I could barely conceal my excitement when I poured the refreshing chilled glass of beer.

That done, I started to look around. Now, I have a curious habit of observing people - be it at an airport or at a bar. So, wiping the foam whiskers off after an exceedingly satisfying and gratifying ‘ gulp, I eyed the motely bunch of small crowd in that mildly lit Mexican restaurant. Here is a quick snapshot - exclusive for you, honeykins:

Right next to me sat a morose phirang gentleman- hefty, cleanshaven and pallid as only a Westerner can ever be! To me he looked someone who stayed here - reason being: generally tourists come to bars/restaurants/pubs in a crowd, and this one was all alone - unless, of course, his wife had suddenly developed headache (wink wink) and he could find no other means to release his tension (more wink wink).

Seated across the floor, in a bunch of six, were a rowdy crowd - definitely Indian; and how can I be so sure, you might just wonder my sweet little chilli chicken readers, and very correctly and legitimately so. But, sweeties, let me explain - for this I have two solid reasons: a) only an Indian - that too a Punju or Baniya, specifically- can order for a ‘large Black Label’ in a voice and volume that can be heard not only by the entire floor but also by the passer-bys on the road below leaving no doubt to the premium brand they have ordered b) (and a more logical and saner explanation), Hindi might be known to the locals here, but it’s not their first language, hence when a crowd speaks in one(and also abuses in that) rest assured they are from India…more likely Delhi.

To me, this bunch seemed to stay (and work) here- this, deduced from their comfort with the way they spoke about Kathmandu. Moreover the proper ‘visitors’ to this city were largely the honeymooners or ‘casino’ crowd, and neither would be seen dead at this ‘budget tourist area’ for sure; the former (again largely Punju or Baniya) are noticeable from a distance thanks to the obnoxiously large ‘chooda‘ on the wife’s arms (plus their attempt to be so ‘hep’ at hugging each other in public thinking themselves them to be the heirs to Govinda and Karishma, dahlings); in any case, I would expect them to do something more productive at this time of the slightly chilly day than waste time in a bar, unless they were specifically of the variety that landed on my blog googling ‘what to do on wedding night’!

Next to this bunch of Indians were another anaemic phirang group- not much of an interest, except that the girl seemed to give Jassi a tough competition in ‘unsexiness’ (that is, in Jassi’s previous avatar). If any one had in passing mentioned boiled karela; at that time, huns, I would have vociferously pointed towards her!

Now, I come to this couple- seated bang opposite me, and whom I devoted a considerable time. Obviously, they were some ‘hot’ couple, and didn’t really know how to control their ‘heat’. Call me a prude or whatever, but an obsessive public display of affection always makes me tad uncomfortable (even with the beer settling down homely within me!)- and here the girl just seemed to seize any opportunity to plant a kiss on the embarrassed man at the drop of a …salsa. As for him - how to describe him - well, he looked like Kulbhushan Kharbanda landed in straight from the sets of Shaan ( if you haven’t seen this Ramesh Sippy dud, too bad for you), and the girl? Well, the girl was…to put it mildly, a picture perfect resemblance of any lady from a centerspread of a Malaysian/Singaporian porn magazine (now, now, dahlings, don’t raise that beautifully tweaked eyebrow of yours … how I know about them, is not the core point of this post, and we shall pass on this). Retrospectively, I realize that the man had a nose that was longer than the Italian geography, but, honestly sweethearts, I don’t think it really gave the girl any rights to pull at it as often as Italians make their pastas- I almost thought it will fall into the un-recognizable cocktail that he sipped with the speed of …err…Sonia Gandhi making her decision!

In between, this lady excused herself to go to the loo. Ordinary, mundane, natural- you might think, why has DJ gone crazy to mention about it even…but dahlings, the lady was gone for some twenty odd minutes!!! Yep, you read it right, and no need to wipe your eyes or glasses…twenty long minutes! Seriously, even our Kulbhushan Kharbanda guy was more than worried- hopping as if he had just seen Amitabh and Shashi Kapoor peeing on his pet alligators (again, if you haven’t seen the movie- a pity, for the joke is lost on you irretrievably) And when she returned, she just shuffled uncomfortably in her seat, pulled at the man’s nose a bit more and kissed him yet again - a hazaar naughty thoughts rampaged my poor beer drenched brain!

Sigh, I just shook my head and returned to what I was doing prior to she left - now, now cherrykins, don’t think of something naughty for me, I was just playing on the ‘Rallypro’ game on my newly acquired Nokia 3230 - a foolish attempt to better the score of my nephew so that he doesn’t he call his ‘mama’ a techno-illeterate again…come to think of, ‘mama’ is such a cute word (since I luv my dahling nephews to death, it sounds even more sweet from them), and is infinitely better than the pathetic English equivalent -’Uncle’! Given the Indian context, I would just bury myself in the nearest pyramid (ok, make that ’stupa’ to give cultural relevance) if they called me that - sweeties, I am not that old to be called an ‘uncle’, am I? More so, considering that one fine evening I realized that a couple of my readers here are younger to my eldest nephew! Yiipes!!

Well, with my two beers over, I paid the bill and walked off - yet nothing seemed to have changed - the girl was still pulling that man’s nose; the Indians were still ‘talking’ as Punjus can only do, and the morose man was still contemplating on his next course of action…hic…

Cheers!

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This entry was posted on Friday, October 14th, 2005 at 10:49 pm and is filed under Humor, Restaurant and Bars. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.