Life’s Spontaniety
In my current job assignment I meet a lot of the government servant types (I cringe at the use of the word ’servant’ , clearly an odious legacy from the British era). I have noticed that they are the ones who almost always have a very neat and cut out life.
Often they ask me about my family. And the surprise (or rather, the shock) on their face is more than visible when I state I am single. It is impossible for them to comprehend that I chose to stay this way, willingly and happily, after my divorce. Invariably, they will go on to list out the virtues of getting married and the need to be settled an argument which rankles me no end. Why can’t I be ’settled’ without the burden of marriage?
But a more pertinent question is, why even be settled in life?
Their lives are well-scripted stories entering a secure govt. job, marriage at a certain age, children at another, investments, a house and then marriage of their children precisely at the age that they want to. Even their daily life is a precise routine office, home, shopping and outing, all set out at neat intervals, in airtight time schedules. Once a senior official elaborated his routine (and I admit my jaw dropped at its precision) leave the city by 3 pm bus on Saturday, spend the weekend with family in Delhi, buy six apples to be consumed in the coming week in Agra, reach here by train on Monday morning, attend office and leave it by five-thirty, watch television for two hours, have dinner and sleep. The next morning the cycle continues till the arrival of Saturday. He also showed the train tickets purchased for the entire month.
When I heard this detailed timetable, I was left grappling with two strong emotions - envy and gratitude. Envy, because I have tried often to create some sort of routine, but customarily found it broken the third day. With programs for a drink out formed on the spur of the moment, most likely those six apples in my fridge would rot away if I ever bring them back from Delhi. Even my tiffin service owner once remarked that I cancel the tiffin at very short notices. But that s because I can’t predict when I will have the mood to eat out. In addition, there is no set weekend fixed to visit Delhi I go whenever I get the urge, and not due to some pre-set program. Leave alone the planning for life, I can’t even set a routine or theme or dates for this blog, and that’s why I call it Random Expressions - just like my life!
The gratitude stemmed exactly from this ability to enjoy life spontaneously and haphazardly (using the word in all positive connotations). I have learnt to surprise myself and live a fuller and happier life, unbound by any shackles of time and schedule.
I believe that’s how nature intended us to be! Else, despite all the seeming clockwork precision, nature works on randomness. Of all the million sperms that hit the egg, can any one predict which one will give birth to a new life? Of all the seeds that disseminate, can any one foretell which one will produce the sweetest fruit? Of all the pollen that rides the air, can any one prophesize which one will bear a beautiful flower? Even the universe is a chaotic ensemble, forever in change and motion.
So when nature itself doesn’t follow any set norm, why should we, her children, tie ourselves up in watertight schedules and overbearing chains of routine?
Just break free, puff up your chest, take in a lungful of air, and go out and see that life is too huge to be confined. Don’t just live for the moment but live in the moment. Leave the route that you take daily, and turn your steps into a road that you aren t aware of. Who knows, you might across the most sensational garden. There are chances that it might be just a putrified garbage dump also, but then you won’t have the regret of not having taken the path, would you?
Explore the world, and for that one doesn’t have to thumb through the Lonely Planet editions to enjoy the exotic destinations. If I had just followed the strict path, I wouldn’t have seen the Nawgarh Fort (near Bah). If I had chosen to hear the voice of reason, I wouldn’t have seen the Ganges flow at Soron. However irritating the bambas and bumps are, they have given me an enrinching insight into a country that I didn’t ever know existed.
Yesterday I lived in Nepal, today I have pitched my tent in Agra, and tomorrow it could be another destination. I am not only prepared for it, but looking forward to visiting a new place and not just as a tourist, but as a citizen! I don’t know which one, but that’s where all the excitement builds up.
Also, it’s not the big joys that always counts. It’s the tiny happiness that constitute the mosaic; stop awhile to appreciate the beauty of the intricate designs that make up the whole day, and then the week, and then the month and finally the year and the whole life! The big delights will be few and far between, but the small ones are there daily. Often, I see myself enjoying the small moments of the day much more than big ones like getting a nice job. More than the planned holidays, the little trips through villages and towns have been far satisfying.
I accept it’s not as easy as it sounds. The fact that I felt envious when I heard the meticulous routine speaks volumes about my own constitution. Often, I find myself dulled into complacency in the fresh cocoon that I wrap myself in. But then, the same cocoon starts to stifle and suffocate me, and that’s when I look towards new weapons to break off the glass ceiling. Looking back, I am thankful that I get this boredom every now and then. It keeps me energized, shaken and stirred enough to keep the life’s intoxication aromatic and heady.
Enjoy life’s spontaneity in its full color and grandeur. I assure you, one day when you look back, you will have multifaceted mental snaps in your life’s album to view and review fondly
Related Readings - Why Do We Have An Obsession For Marriage and Matchmaking
Submitted for - Five on the Fifth
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March 30th, 2007 at 11:15 am
yeh kya ho raha hai???
March 30th, 2007 at 11:17 am
Mehak - Lo, you got the Gold today as well
LOL, kuchh nahi ho raha, the prev post was on auto-publish, yday, and ths one i wrote in the morning, but since i might be away tmr, thought of putting it up today only…
March 30th, 2007 at 11:24 am
DJ…I have read this post twice…& also the one linked here under Related Readings…..bahut acha laga yeh post.
March 30th, 2007 at 12:36 pm
Deepak, the spontaneity of life shouldn’t be lost to the clockwork of a bound life. I support you in your decision to live life on the spur of the moment.
However, I suppose your so called ’settled’ friends speak of a different kind of marital bliss, of coming home to a loving face, of care and sharing in both good and bad times. However, if that stifles your vivacity and the natural unpredictabililty of your life, then don’t bind yourself down. At the end of the day, the choice is yours!
March 30th, 2007 at 12:38 pm
guru.., fantasticaah.. life and the way living is happening in ur world.. yaar.. jeeyo jaise zindagi aaye..
me does that too.. more often than not ending up in almost the same shadows as u..
cheers..
March 30th, 2007 at 12:45 pm
lunch time..will get back.
March 30th, 2007 at 3:56 pm
dang the only thing that keeps coming in my heaad is the line “burden” of marriage! I cant get past it yet…will go to work and come back and comment!
And no..I dont think marriage is a burden!
March 30th, 2007 at 5:50 pm
whatever works for you! i dont feel that way about marraige and shackles and whatnot (well, not all the time!) but totally see your point.
March 30th, 2007 at 9:24 pm
Nice post DJ. Agree with you completely that life is best enjoyed when it is not planned… last thing i will want in my life is a mundane routine…
March 30th, 2007 at 11:07 pm
Like I always say…to each his own. If “settling” works for some then so be it, if being “free” works for others, then just as well. Neither can be deemed “better”
March 31st, 2007 at 10:07 am
I totally agree with U. Even i come across many people bound to their routine and ask such questions. When one becomes eligible for marriage they will keep asking U or Ur parents , “kab laddu khilaoge?’. After Ur marriage they wont allow U to breathe peacefully. They will again bombard U with questions like” Good news kab de rahe ho?”. They dont understand that its totally upto the person whether to get married or not first of all, whether and when to give birth to a child. Its beyond their understanding that one may choose to live differently
“Don’t just live for the moment but live in the moment.” Very inspirational!
March 31st, 2007 at 7:50 pm
HI DJ, Reminds me of the poem called VAGABOND…”Bed in the bush , with stars to see/Bread I dip in the river//That’s the life for a man like me/That’s the life forever/”
I agree things in nature are random, but even in nature there are certain routines like day,night, sun, seasons… I am sure u will agree that all things cannot be haphazard. A new path is delightful, only when U have a routine track. If every path is new then it is just going astray. U too like the occasional village visits, compared to ur daily work. What I mean is new experiences are fun, but we need order to fall back upon.
Good, and inspired post
April 2nd, 2007 at 7:11 am
DJ
Had you had a big family with kids and spouse, I am sure we would never have had such big and best blogs!!! LOL
Anyway, another grrrrr8 post.
April 2nd, 2007 at 1:58 pm
All - Thanks for all the comments and views. Am a little tied up a bit, but will be back by tmr …
April 3rd, 2007 at 9:30 am
Was reading this post of yours ‘married on 5th july’..really touching.And I wonder if you still dont realise that marriage isnt just about settling down.No,i dont want to b one of those ‘who will go on to list out the virtues of getting married and the need to be settled,an argument which rankles you no end.’ But the couple in picture is none other than your own parents and you have portrayed them so beautifully that anybody would be tempted to tie the wedlock.I absolutely and completely appreciate your sentiments but all i am trying to say is that when on one hand you talk of life’s spontaniety,then atleast keep the options open and let life decide its course instead of ‘chosing’ to stay this way.Becoz aferall, ‘ The fact that you felt envious when you heard the meticulous routine speaks volumes about your own constitution.’
April 3rd, 2007 at 12:46 pm
Taarika - Agreed…but i also go along with one very imp. dialogue in ‘Just Married’ - Fardeen asks, ‘Why do people give so much importance to marriage when the relationship after sometime just becomes a habit?’ I loved the dialogue…perhaps not many are able to preserve that spontaneity in there also, which scares me…
April 3rd, 2007 at 1:17 pm
ahem
well this I think is not true @ “So when nature itself doesn’t follow any set norm,”
Nature does follow certain norms! The cycle of seasons, cycle of life, gravity etc etc .. well we could even call them “laws of nature”!! I do agree completely with you about living in the moment part but some amount of discipline is good for us.
I think same applies to relationships like marriage too. After some time every relationship falls into “routine” but then at same time there is something called “commitment”; we don’t stop loving our parents or siblings just because we are bored with them; we also do not stop loving our good friends because with time they have changed and they may not be of interest to us. I guess with some maturity we learn we cannot demand “spontaneity” in relationship; fun and challenge would be keep our acceptance also changing with the changes in the person and relationship… IMHO.
April 3rd, 2007 at 1:39 pm
Excellent post. Your thought as per your view point is correct but relations are not burden. If it would be than where we come from, every living thing in this world is the outcome of some relation. Marriage/relations make us responsible and we can be vivacious with them also. It is BONDING not BURDON nor it stifles life.
April 3rd, 2007 at 2:10 pm
Completely agree with moonie..So true, we don’t stop loving our parents or siblings just because we are bored with them..Great thought provoking post overall.
April 3rd, 2007 at 3:49 pm
Everything I wanted to say has already been added here! Ditto Moonie.
If “settling” doesnt work for you , then thats the way it is. Comon even blogging become routine and boring sometimes..but thats why theres changes like ads, different posts, breaks.etc
Theres always ups and downs but who said you cannot keep life’s spontaniety in a marriage? Its the attitude that one goes with into a marriage is what defines it.
April 3rd, 2007 at 3:51 pm
I too reacted to this post with two emotions..envy and gratitude
April 3rd, 2007 at 5:38 pm
I feel it depends a lot on relation the partners share with each other. If partners maintain each other’s space and respects it then it can turn into harmonious relation. There should be give n take from both the sides. But the path towards that is not so easy. And the way marriages get fixed in India its difficult for a boy or girl to judge each other’s compatibility in such a short time!
April 3rd, 2007 at 5:55 pm
Read the post….u really have put across the thoughts very well..I think we should target to achieve golden mean between spontaneity and planning.Spontaneity will ensure newness and arbitrariness in life while planning will ensure predictability in the life. Its just about having ‘right ‘ balance. Though this is easier said than done. Regarding marriage views , I think it mainly depends on person’s outlook and perceptions to life and relationships. Its bliss for some, and burden for others.
April 3rd, 2007 at 6:04 pm
Well, friends, I am here and reading all the comments, and enjoying them coming in … I think everyone is right to a certain extent, and Madhu I totally agree with you. Moonie - good to see you on this blog as well, had seen u last on my previous url…
April 3rd, 2007 at 6:56 pm
Of course these are random expressions but look like engraved one. I do agree with you with some disagreements. I think there is somewhat spontaniety in mother nature, like rising of sun, flowing of air, beating of a heart. And failure of any of above means end of life.
The regular business of that officer is so boring. Some time when I revisit some places after long long time, I saw some people doing and living the same way they used to be years back and they will reach at the other end of their lives in the same manner. It is a scary thought for me. I cant be like that ever (may god bless me)
Thats nice that you are a happy person being alone. But I am sure you would be happier the day you bump in your “Supatra”. In the meantime, like it seems you have less responsibility and lil more time to devote, have your ever gave a thought to get engaged in some ‘mission’? I dont know how that idea clicked me but I think you should set a target. Target like serving the socity (in the minimum way you can).
That too was a random thought and I expressed. Dunno how was it !
April 3rd, 2007 at 9:46 pm
Hmmm….nice post indeed. THe end result is that one should be happy. And knowing you the person you are, just be the way you are (a lil more sanity would be more than welcome
)
April 3rd, 2007 at 9:50 pm
I received your Blog Carnival submission for The SeaBird Chroincles’ “A Link to your Best Post” carnival via email….please visit
http://www.seabirdchronicles.com/twinfinity/2007/3/9/call-for-entries-five-on-the-fifthof-april.html
to enter your post, as all posts are entered via Mr. Linky. Please read the guidelines carefully first!
Thanks!
April 4th, 2007 at 2:40 am
First of off, as always, I was totally lost while reading this post. I so wish I could write as well as u…but I guess its too late now.
Anyways, coming to your post, although well written, I don’t agree with part of it. Being married or not should totally be left to an individual. If u feel that u r enjoying the spontaneity of life, be it so. But please don’t judge marriage by what u have gone though in your life. One person’s bad experience might be some other person’s best experience. I have been married for almost 3 years now, and I feel that this is the best thing that happened to me. EVERYTHING after a while falls into a routine. I agree, so does marriage. But that doesn’t mean that it loses its charm. You have to work on it everyday to keep a fresh scent breathing within the relationship, and that adds to your marriage. Just like you said, “Leave the route that you take daily, and turn your steps into a road that you aren t aware of”. You have to keep the spirits of your marriage alive!
April 4th, 2007 at 10:22 am
sirji, kya kar rahe ho, my marraige is not even six months old and you are writing such posts. waise bhi I am having trouble ’settling’ into this role and upar se you bring in your ’spontaneity’ theory.
a lot has been said already so all I will add is that its a matter of choice and everyone should have a right to choose. I love doing all the things you mentioned in your posts, traveling to new places, living life in the moment and the impulsiveness of it all and even I felt marraige will bind me and it is binding me but I don’t mind it because I chose it.
Someday even you might have to make a choice. give this up for ’settling down’ to something which is either more important or means more to you. What is imperative is that one should be at peace with the choice. Marriage is a burden if you haven’t made peace with the choice or if you were not given the right to choose.
April 4th, 2007 at 10:42 am
LOL, Priyangini , Dont worry, i m sure u will do fine… Actually, I dont know where I got it wrong, but my intention of the post was not to concentrate only on love/marriage…that was the reason why i mentioned the detailed timetable of the official; it had nothing to do with marriage at all…… The post was in the larger context of life - as comments hv shown above, there has to be spontaneity in life, and that can be with the spouse as well.
Mannat - Thanks a ton
April 5th, 2007 at 3:17 pm
Talk of settling, some people’s life get “Unsettled” after marriage. Unka kya?
It is bang gamble in which not many succeed. You have learned the hard way, and I think the best way to get settled for you is this way. To each his own. Nice post.
April 17th, 2007 at 8:53 pm
The grass is sometimes greener on the other side. When you are single, you may sometimes yearn for the warmth that family brings, and when you are not, you could yearn for the independence that comes out of not having to share your time with someone else. Both have their own merits and demerits. Ultimately what matters is how happy we are at the end of the day (or life, for that matter).
April 18th, 2007 at 7:52 am
Manish - Thanks
Yes, I guess to each his own….
Lakshmi - A very warm welcome to my blog. Hope you like my small effort on this webspace
Your comments are true, and I strongly agree with the last sentence!
December 20th, 2007 at 9:11 pm
very interesting. i’m adding in RSS Reader