Random Expressions

Due to an unexpectedly late ‘monthly meet’ at office, I was back in Delhi for a consecutive weekend - a first ever since I shifted to Agra. It kept parents happy, though my car and me were extremely grim when we heard of the trip. You don’t have ‘monthly review’ meets when the next month is just ten days away from its own closure! But admittedly, the bigger concern was to get my lazy bones moving towards the tyre shop to get the burst one replaced. I postponed and procrastrinated till the very end, and eventually trudged to a nearby shop on Friday late evening. Since I had no experience of buying a tyre - and neither did any of my colleagues - so listened half heartedly to the talk given by the shop-owner about ‘double rubber’, ‘ZVT’ as just another sales pitch. The third hurdle was that to reach Delhi on time, I would have had to wake up at 4 in the morning. Which I did.

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I live near a marriage hall. It is on the plot immediately next to the one which houses my apartment. It can be quite an irritant, considering Indian marriages are all about pomp, show and noise. Especially last month was terrible - when the Gods and their messengers had opened a small window to entangle as many willing couples as possible (so much so that as many as 30,000 couples tied the knot in just one single day!). Every evening I would come home to the din of speakers blaring out the latest hits. On the positive side, it helped me keep abreast of the latest in music. Often, the song selection was hilariously incongruous. For example, Mujhko pehchaan lo main hoon Don. I wonder what the bride’s family would think if the groom actually turned out to be one. Considering that I live in a belt known more for its crime than courtesy, you really never know!
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So, 2006 slipped into posterity and the New Year greets us with the same characteristic cheer and good-will as each new year does – till the time it settles into its own routine, beyond the flurry of congratulatory SMS’s, emails, phone-calls and messages.

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I know an update on Random Expressions is long overdue; I have received subtle suggestions, friendly reminders and even dire threats, which all proved the love and affection for this space. Thanks to everyone. And because of you all, just writing in to say I am fine, and alive - and so is this blog!

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This place seriously needs an update!

:P

It’s been a roller coaster week laced with a bit of laziness, and hoardes of new goodies that have kept me busy.

For those who sniggered let me just inform that I do have a pile-load of work, which I am desperately trying to reduce and streamline. There are only two options that can happen - either I succumb within its weight, or I sort it out to the extent that leaves me less breathless than now. As of now, I sit precariously beneath the first one!

There was another trip to Aligarh in between, including that horrifyingly bumpy ride via Hathras. But I am not getting into those details. Let’s delve deep into the good stuff.

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“Wait, not so soon, there is a small hitch” the man said.

Sweat broke on my forehead. My tongue felt like sandpaper. And I gulped and blinked as he narrated the small hitch.

“And that is?” I barely managed to speak out

“You will be staying alone?” he asked, and I nodded imperceptibly. Not again! This issue had cropped up several times as there is a general mistrust towards bachelors. “Actually, the people who were taking the flat next to yours are a bunch, and they wanted the one which we showed you, due to an extra balcony in that one”

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The dream house with the full, top angle view of Taj slipped my hands. On Friday afternoon I got this terrible news. Since then, life turned into a hectic run.

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Mai hoon ik khanabdosh
Saara jag mera watan

For those who wonder the reason of my prolonged absence, the above quote and the post’s title will give away the reason. Yes, I am now in Agra - once again away from home, and in yet another historical town.

Things happened quite suddenly. At least, the shifting part. Even though, I can’t claim I have fully done so because I am still living in the company’s guest house and have only brought one travel bag. I plan to go back to Delhi sometime next week, once I have the possession of the flat, which I have selected.

The flat is an awesome one, providing a beautiful top-angle, wide-panaromic view of the Taj Mahal.

But first things first - how did I end up here? Frankly, even I wasn’t too aware that the interview I had given was for Agra’s position. When the HR lady called up to give package details, and other stuff, she casually mentioned that the place of posting is here. For several seconds, I was in a dumb stupor. And the lady had to repeat thrice to confirm that she had understood my shocked grunts as an affirmation to the offer.

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Trust the administration to do some good act in totally half-baked pathetic manner. Recently, at Janpath, Delhi Police has started issuing warnings over a loud speaker - they include, amongst others: not to touch unclaimed objects, not to speak to strangers or accept gifts/foodstuff from them, not to hire domestic/shop helps without proper verification etc. All fine. All sane stuff. But, they repeat it ad naseum… in Hindi! Now, anyone knows that Janpath is forever infested with foreigners from all across the globe; the least they could do is to repeat the same in English! Plus, I fail to understand why they have chosen only Janpath - which is just a sliver of Connaught Place (the central Delhi swanky market cum office place)? Or, have I missed listening to it on the other blocks? It wasnt there at Palika Bazar today for sure!

Frankly, it must be pretty irritating for those who work there. To hear the same thing over and over again can be highly grating on the nerves. Plus, those ‘bhonpu‘ shaped speakers aren’t exactly Bose in their sound output - so the screechy voice followed by a shrill chime is as musical as a cat clawing over a blackboard! I stood there having my lunch for approx. ten minutes, and couldn’t take it any further.

Noise pollution continued to hound me today.

I don’t think it was very far in the past when we all survived without mobile phones. So the overdependence on this device pretty much leaves me stone-faced. Agreed it has an absolutely wonderful usage during emergencies. But seriously, to giggle into the mobile phone in the temple is stretching the definition of ‘emergencies’ a bit too far! Every Tuesday, at our neighborhood temple, without fail I witness several pretty young things (yeah, it’s the girls more always!) dodging into a corner, with their hands cupped and faces buried away into sleek handsets. The worst sight could be to see someone chatting on the phone while pouring ‘jal‘ over Shivling!

Actually, I wouldn’t really mind that. Since they do not per se disturb others - that is, if they keep their voice volumes low! It’s the ring tones that I have major problem with. The concept of ring tones and hello tones is awful… esp the latter. I mean, what fun do people get in inflicting torture on the poor hapless soul who has called them by showering an utterly raucous voice called Shamur - cant decide whether this thing is male or female- rasping away inane lyrics like ‘Mera Ranjha Badi Der’ (that’s all that I could comprehend in this hideous song)?

Anyways, that is when you call someone.

But what to say of a situation when you are sitting to read your Shiv Chalisa in the temple…and out wails Himesh Reshamiiya from a friendly neighborhood mobile phone?

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Two days something or the other has gone wrong with this page - hope today is fine. Day before yesterday I was at my sister’s place. From there I wrote a lengthy post. However some software installed in  my brother in law’s laptop clashed with wordpress and the post didn’t get published. I tried recreating the post in the night, but somehow the flow and narrative was just not happening, so I abandoned it.

Yesterday, I wrote a small piece. It got published. But I noticed a grammatical error and entered the site admin  to correct it. In my hurry, and goodness knows what state of my mind, instead of pressing ’save’ I clicked ‘delete’. That was the end of that post, which I think a few readers like Mehak did read.

And now I write this one. I am saving it, and will be back with some more chit chat very soon. So don’t go away from here.

Aajao ke sab milke rab se dua maange
Jeevan mein sukoon chaahen
Chaahat mein wafaa maangein
Haalaat badalne mein ab der na ho maalik
Jo dekh chuke phir andher na ho maalik

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At last the clouds have gathered and rains are imminent. The last one week has been particularly bad. Power situation dipped to an all time low, and all we heard through the black outs were news of one or the other power-station tripping and packing up. 

I have become a certified couch potato; or rather a ‘bed’ potato since my television is in the bedroom. After missing of television for more than a year, I took to watching it with a vengeance. But most viewing is restricted to movies and songs channels, with an occasional foray into news ones. To my horror I discovered that all the money spent on collecting DVD’s last year was sheer wastage since those movies keep repeating themselves ad nauseum. For example, I can puke now if someone so much as mentions the thought of watching No Entry – a movie that I thoroughly enjoyed earlier. Other than Sahara telecasting it alternatively on its both channels (Filmy and Sahara One) every other week, my cable-wallah has also gone overboard there. In fact, my cable-guy has a strange habit of showing those very same films a couple of days earlier that would in any case be shown on Max or Filmy the same week! 
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I had written the following post two years back (published on my older blog). The second paragraph is uncannily true again. The weathermen went beating their drums heralding monsoon arrival on 29th June. I guess all that noise scared the clouds away. The past two days have been unnervingly enervating and boiling hot. To add to woes the humidity is high which saps out any remaining energy. If that wasn’t enough, the news is full of excessive Mumbai rains - adding salt to burning wounds!

Anyways, you all enjoy this re-heated post:

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The following are some never-seen and never-thought-of pictures that will make your eyeballs pop out. Sensationalism finds a new height. Whether these pics are real or morphed or not, one cannot tell. But as of now they present the zenith of unimaginable intent.

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I was tagged by Silky Moon, with the alphabet ‘K’ – this was a tough one, coz I hardly could much from this alphabet from my life.

Here are a few of them: 

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The answers are as follows:

1. Akayla -  I saw it with friends after a gruelling college lecture. It was difficult to decide which was bad - the lecture or this film. Coming from Ramesh Sippy, with Amitabh Bachchan in the lead, and stable actors like Shashi Kapoor and Jackie Shroff as supporting casts, calling it a ’let-down’ is an understatement. For long I believed this was the worst Amitabh Bachhan movie ever made - till the time I saw Lal Badshah and Mrityudaata; thankfully, for the latter two I didn’t waste time and money at a theater, and also had the option of a remote control in my hand!

2. Bunty Aur Bubli -  Nothing, simply nothing, had prepared me for this - in spite of Ashish warning me about it, I still held hope that the film will be passably entertaining. The jokes failed to make me laugh. And the way the cons were executed, and presented in a stupid collage, put me off completely. By the time the useless and unwanted number ‘Nach baliye’ came on, I threw up my arms - and self out of the theater! This answer would have been easy for Ashish and Anubha to answer, since I had called them up during that song!

Now when I see the song I feel it is quite pleasantly choreographed (Shiamik Dawar at work). And it is aurally above average too.

The film was shown as part of a promotional program which our company had organized for our channel partners in Nepal. Thankfully, like the rest of India, everyone lapped up the movie and enjoyed it.

So, this was a quick and short quiz. The winners will be announced shortly.

Coming up next - An alphabetical tag!

Movie-watching is a passion. And its very rare that I will ever walk out of a theater - however bad the film might be. I dont like missing any part of the film, hence I never walk out on the songs even. For me a movie is not even enjoyable if I miss the advertisements and trailors at the beginning.

Yet, it has happened - not once, but twice over. So, you can imagine how boring these films would have been.

Well, the quiz is - can you guess which two films am I talking about?

Hint One - For long (precisely till 2005), this was the ‘lone’ film that had the dubious distinction in my life for being the one wherein I could not bear to sit through. It was towards the climax when I lost all patience and even forced my friends to leave the theater. Surprisingly it starred my most favorite actor - the superstar of all times, and even currently going strong in his sixties! The film had some hideous songs, one revolving around the hero’s car - a yellow Volkswagon. Name the film!

Hint Two - Can you beat this? The second film I walked out mid-way in a song actually starred the hero of Hint One Movie’s son in the lead role. Admittedly, I returned after the song to sit through the whole movie - but I felt that particular song was really badly placed, and it tested my patience no end. The film went on to become one of the biggest grossers of 2005; the song was quite a big hit, so much so it had a game-show based on its title - though it was the other song from the same film, that starred another heroine in a guest appearance, which rocked the nation! Name the film! (And if possible, the song in which I left the theater).

I think the hints are good enough, no?

Answers to be mailed at quiz@deepakjeswal.com

Last date - June 6th 2006 1900 Hrs.

Barely had the controversy surrounding ‘Da Vinci Code’ subsided (it’s not fully over as yet; Punjab  - of all states!  - has banned its release),  another much awaited film has fallen under ‘fanaa‘tic’s glare! For small mercies, this time the reason is not religious; and is restricted to one state.

I am not an Aamir fan; and wouldn’t really have cared if it hadn’t been for Yash Raj Films, Kajol and Kunal Kohli - for their sake, I want the film to be a success. On its own, the film was slated to be one major grosser, and that’s because of the above three reasons; it would have been equally awaited had it starred Saif, Salman or Shahrukh (perhaps even more, considering that as a pair Shahrukh-Kajol have a 100% hit ratio ); in my scheme of things, Aamir is the most expendable person, and that the controversy surrounds him angers me more.

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Ministry of Information and Broadcasting has put a temporary halt on Da Vinci Code’s release. It’s a strange decision, and entirely unwarranted, though not very surprising. Of course, why it’s been done is no big surprise. Religion is huge in India – and any religion at that! 

Earlier, Water was stalled – to the extent that Deepa Mehta had to shoot the film in Sri Lanka surreptitiously under the guise of making a different film. I have my own reservations against films like Water, especially when they come from film-makers not living in India and their target audiences are not Indians. But I never agreed with reasons forwarded by Hindu fundamentalist in their protest. For all that came across, Water was just another film depicting things existed; if they are hard to swallow, so be it – change those old malpractices if you can!
 

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